Keepsakes and ashes memorials suitable for a bereaved child or young person

Guest post by Kate Megson, The Purple Celebrant

Memorials for our loved ones can be a difficult decision: there are so many options and choices to make, and it will be so personal and unique to you, your family and the person you have lost.  Memorials can reflect the passions of your loved one, or resonate deeply and fit with those left behind at that moment.  In this blog are just some ideas of what you could consider, and although companies have been quoted, this is in no way a recommendation – just a place for you to start your discovery.

Once a cremation has taken place, you can receive the ashes of your loved one within a week.  Traditionally, ashes have either been scattered at the Crematorium memorial garden, or at a favourite place of the deceased (with the landowner’s permission).  Innovative ways have come about to scatter ashes, such as via a drone with Aerial Ashes¹, or if you want to scatter on water, there are now beautiful water urns², that are designed to float briefly, and then naturally degrade into the water.

There is no pressure

You have been through a incredibly painful and life-changing experience, so be kind to yourself, and don’t feel there is any kind of deadline or a time pressure to “do” something with the ashes or special clothes of your loved one.  Take your time, research, talk to your family and friends, and decide when you feel you are ready.

Some memorial options will only use a small portion of ashes, so there is not an ‘all or nothing’ pressure – you can do many different things with your loved one’s ashes.  You might decide to do something straight away, whilst still retaining ashes to memorialise in a different way, later in your grief journey.

If you have the ashes of a young person’s loved one, you can include your them, if and when it feels right for you as a family, and ask them about their ideas   Use the words they are using, and be as honest as you can be, so they know they are in a safe place to express what they are thinking and feeling.  They might have ideas which will help you decide on what memorial or keepsake to choose.

Fabrics

When we picture our loved ones, we often remember them in their favourite clothes, or reminisce about the feel of a particularly soft jumper, or favourite shirt.  Our loved ones clothing can be an important part of their identity, and something that we often find difficult to part with.

There are many businesses, who take those special items and turn them into a blanket or a memory bear, which will allow a young person to keep those clothing items in a more tangible, and comforting way.  Mandy Makes, located in County Mall Crawley is one such creator³.

For or a memorial you can see and feel every day, you might think about commissioning a wall hanging to be made, or even, as a project for you and your loved ones, create a patchwork yourself.

Memory Bear from Keep Love Create

Ashes to hold

In grief we can long for one last hug, and want the comfort of touch.  A Keepsake bear⁴ allows for a small amount of ashes to be held within the bear, so a child can cuddle the bear and feel close to their loved one.  Sometimes a sensory focus is needed, and a Comfort Stone⁵, which holds a small amount of ashes, offers a beautiful smooth weight, which can be handled and interacted with.

An Hourglass Urn⁶ could be used for moments of reflection, to help feel a sense of calm, and to encourage regulation of feelings and emotions.  Sand is mixed with a small amount of ashes, making it a tactile and usable memorial.

Ashes to live

If your loved one was an avid gardener, loved the open air or wanted to look after the world, there are environmentally positive options.  Ashes to Bloom⁷, a West Sussex company transform ashes into bespoke wildflower seed balls which family and friends can scatter to help spread annual beauty and support bees.

Planting a tree in memory is a lovely tribute, as it signifies longevity, growth, life and air.  Bios Urn⁸ provide a complete pod in which to do this. It is so important to seek guidance as to the type of tree you plant, to ensure it is native to the local habitat and will thrive in the planting location.  The variety of tree can also be a fitting tribute, as Oak is for courage and Hawthorn for love.

If your loved one felt an affinity with the water, you could consider a Solace Stone at the Solace Reef⁹ off the Weymouth coast.  Ashes are put in a pyramid-shaped stone, which is laid to rest on the seabed, helping to provide a haven for marine life.

Ashes to experience

You can quite literally go with a bang, by having ashes put into fireworks, to create a stunning visual display that many children would remember forever.  You can go even further, by being sent into space¹⁰, knowing that the ashes scattered there will travel the world, and be with the stars.

If history was a passion, it might be you could say goodbye to ashes using a Viking boat casket¹¹.  Made from either willow or wood, it is floated out onto water, lit and the smoke from the fire, Vikings believed, would carry the spirit onto Valhalla.

Ashes to admire

Ashes can be incorporated into paint, and create beautiful works of art, which will be admired for years to come.  Perhaps the artist could paint a family portrait from a photo, or the book cover of a favourite bedtime story?  Although glass ornaments might not feel appropriate for a young child, they can be displayed safely and will be with them as they grow up.  Glass tiles¹² of beach scenes can be made, as well as ashes blown into baubles¹³ or a rainbow panel¹⁴.

Jewellery is timeless, and can be made now and gifted for a special big birthday.  Handwriting¹⁵ can be engraved onto charms for necklaces, bracelets or lockets, ashes can be captured into earrings¹⁶, rings and necklace pendants in different colours and styles, or even turned into a diamond¹⁷.  The carbon from the ashes is extracted and processed with heat and pressure, recreating the earth’s growing conditions, and a diamond is created, that is cut and polished and authenticated.

In safe hands

You may also choose to keep ashes at home in an urn, simple and present, or scatter them in a place that holds special meaning. Whatever you decide to create and whenever you make those decisions, be kind to yourself, and be comforted by knowing that your loved one is always with you, you’ve made the right choices for their ashes, and they will always be a part of you, as you continue to talk and remember times you spent together.

About our guest author

Kate Megson is an independent Funeral Celebrant, based in Crawley, covering Sussex, Surrey and Kent.  Kate crafts personalised celebration of life services, as unique as the life lived.  Kate will support those grieving throughout all aspects of the funeral, offering insight and expertise.

Kate also helps support people plan for their own service, as well as talking to local community groups, to help people understand all the choices available to them.  Kate is contactable through her website www.thepurplecelebrant.co.uk and advice is always given freely and without obligation.

Footnotes:

1. Scattering Ashes – Aerial Ashes
2. Journey Water Urn – 100% Biodegradable Pillow Urn for Ashes
3. (1) Mandy Makes | Facebook
4. Baby Clothes Keepsake Memory Bear
5. Comfort Pebble With Ashes And Glass
6. Custom Engraving Black Wood Refillable Hourglass , Personalized Empty Hourglass for Wedding , 1-5mins Timer for Decor Housewarming Gift Urn – Etsy UK
7. Ashes to Blooms – Home of Wildflower Memorials
8. Bios Urn ® – The Biodegradable Urn Designed to Grow a Tree
9. Home – Solace Reef
10. Scatter Ashes In Space | Aura Flights
11. Viking Longboat Urn™ – Beautiful and Handmade – Magical Send Off
12. Framed Glass Beach Tile | Scattering Ashes | Handmade in Devon UK
13. Centrepiece Christmas Bauble with Ashes – Scattering Ashes
14. Fused Glass Rainbow Bridge With Ashes Art Memorial
15. Sterling Silver Heart Handwriting Necklace
16. Loves You Memorial Jewellery
17. Heart in Diamond