Mark’s bereavement journey
On 11th May 2023 Cecilia died with Mark, her partner by her side. Cecilia and Mark had met more than 30 years previously in Leicester, Mark describes Cecilia to Jigsaw South East as a woman who was fun loving, energetic and vibrant. Living in West Sussex, Cecilia was a social worker for West Sussex County Council and Mark works for Cats Protection. He said “Cecilia was someone who made the world a better place.” In early April 2023, Cecilia was diagnosed with an aggressive, incurable brain tumour. With treatment, her life expectancy would be 12 to 18 months, but sadly she only lived for a few short weeks after her diagnosis. Their children, Amelia and Arthur were 18 and 14 at the time of her death.
At Jigsaw South East we support over 500 children and young people each year and it is a privilege that some families feel comfortable to share their story with us. Mark is no exception and from the moment we start talking he is open and honest and the families resilience shines through. Mark said “I am always very open to talking about and sharing my own experience because I think it helps me and it is amazing how many people respond to the articles I’ve written and say how it resonates with them and helps them, and I believe that is doing something good for all of us”.
Finding Jigsaw
Mark told us “It was such a whirlwind after Cecilia died, there was all of the practical things to do, organising the funeral and a celebration of life for Cecilia and I can remember getting straight into that and thinking I needed to have a focus, but that all came to an end suddenly and I had to think about our emotional needs.” Mark remembers searching on google and reading the literature from the undertakers about bereavement support. He also got advice from the hospice but he struggled to work out what was best for his family especially after some calls disclosed long waiting lists before they could access help.
Mark sought private support for himself with a bereavement counsellor and Ameilia was offered support by her university, but he still had Arthur to think of. When Mark did call Jigsaw he knew it felt right as Arthur had said he didn’t want counselling so Jigsaw’s offering of support groups and a one-to-one support worker felt right. Mark, was however, very aware that as a teenage boy, Arthur was going to find it difficult to know what support he wanted and needed.
Mark has praised the support of his family and friends but he said “When they haven’t experienced what you’ve experienced as an individual or as a family it’s, it’s difficult, they don’t necessarily know the right things to say. They will always be there for you but it is difficult to keep asking friends for help.”
Mark said “After a period of time, you start to think and feel that other people have moved on, maybe we should be moving on. It is all about understanding that this is our norm now, but it’s not normal. None of this is normal. 15 months on, it’s still not normal. None of it feels right. But it’s our existence, our life has changed.” Mark has found comfort in being able to discuss this type of question with the families support worker and also with the other parents he has met at Jigsaw activities.
Attending a group
Mark recalls “It took quite a while to encourage Arthur to embrace the Jigsaw group day offered and to access the workshop, he didn’t know what to expect and there was a worry we would turn up, sit in a circle and have to talk about our feelings but it wasn’t like that at all, it was done is such a creative way and we both felt really relaxed. Once we had taken part we could see how valuable it was, for both of us.”
One of the activities that Mark and Arthur did together was making the scrabble board. Mark told us “We really got a huge amount out of that activity, we enjoyed doing it together, it was a really powerful, important thing to do, we still have the board at home now and it was such a good day. I know that because we were both talking as we came home, we were both sceptical about what it was going to be like but it had real value.” Mark is grateful that Arthur has an incredibly strong friendship network and that as a dad he does sometimes struggle to know and understand what his teenage son needs. Mark and Arthur have attended one of the social activities run by Jigsaw which they enjoyed but Mark told us “I know Arthur found it hard to engage at the social activity, there is always a tendency for me just to step in and say something on Arthur’s behalf, but I don’t want to do that.” As a charity Jigsaw want to make it as easy as possible for our teenagers to engage and so we encourage the parents and teenagers to separate once they are all comfortable and be with their peers.
Studying whilst facing the death of your mum
Amelia was just coming to the end of her first year at University when Cecilia was diagnosed with the brain tumour. In such exceptional circumstances Amelia decided to take a break for a year. This allowed her to retake a unit where her grade had been affected by her mum’s death, showing her true determination to make everyone proud. After completing her unit Amelia had some time before starting back at university in September 2025 to travel, so she took the brave step to head off to Vietnam to teach English for three months. Mark said “We were all totally in awe of her traveling and taking up this amazing opportunity and then to find out whilst she was away that she got a distinction in the exam that she retook, well we couldn’t be more proud, she sailed through it and she did brilliantly.”
The travel bug!
We asked Mark if Amelia got her courage and interest in travel from her mum. Mark told us that before they had their family he and Cecilia travelled for six months and always had a sense of adventure. They love going away and they enjoyed several wonderful family holidays including a three week trip the year before Cecilia died to America. A trip that later they became so grateful they had taken, it was an amazing family adventure.
This summer the family are taking on a new adventure to Sri Lanka, a new chance to go away together and do something really special. Mark is confident that after her own adventures in Vietnam that Amelia will be in charge of this special trip too!
Fundraising
Since Cecilia’s death all of the family have been fundraising to support charity. Amelia completed 26.2 miles in memory of her mum and Mark took on a phenomenal challenge which saw him walking 140 miles, 300,000 steps and approximately 50 hours of walking over 6 days from Leicester, where the couple met, to Bolton where Cecilia had grown up and her parents still live. Mark completed the walk on 1st April 2024 at the Bolton Wanders football stadium. He was given the opportunity to speak for two minutes, at half time to 25,000 football fans about his walk and to help raise awareness and funds for the charity. Mark told us “I am physically and emotionally shattered at the end of what has been an uplifting and motivational experience. We have raised an incredible amount of money – the kindness of friends, family and complete strangers, especially those that have been impacted by this cruel, hideous disease has been completely overwhelming.”.
Mark is determined to keep fundraising and has now signed up to run the London Marathon next year for The Brain Tumour Charity. Mark said “If I stop, then I will wallow and I need that focus. I am going to keep going, I want to keep going.”
Mark’s final promise to Cecilia was “I assured her that I would do everything in my power to look after the kids, to bring them up the way that she would want them to be brought up – to be kind, caring and to simply embrace life”. Everyone at Jigsaw is so proud of Mark, and Arthur and Amelia for doing exactly that and creating a new pathway for their future.
Jigsaw South East provides information and guidance to help support children and young people facing or coping with the death of a loved one. We support families in Surrey, and nearby areas of East and West Sussex and Kent.
If you would like to know more about the support we provide please visit our pre bereavement or grief support web pages. You can also contact our helpline for families and professionals.
Helpline: 01342 313895 | Monday – Friday | 9.30am – 12.30pm
