Pre planning a funeral: Expert Guest Post

Today our guest post comes from Becky Hughes, Community Co-Ordinator at Freeman Brothers Funeral Directors, a firm that has been serving families in Surrey and Sussex since 1855. In the post, they share how pre-planning your funeral can bring peace of mind to both you and your loved ones. By making decisions ahead of time, you can ensure your wishes are honored and help ease the emotional and financial pressures on your family during a difficult time. 

If you are putting plans in place prior to your death for your funeral, involving those who are closest to you may be something that you wish to do. There are a number of reasons for this, from helping children to prepare for the event – particularly if they are neurodiverse or have other additional needs – to ensuring that their voices are heard, and much more. Lots of people regard funerals as an event to help those who are still living, and so them being involved in the planning with you could make a lot of sense. We at Freeman Brothers are often asked what can be done in advance, so here are some things to think about…

Decisions you can make about a funeral

The most straightforward choice which must be made is whether you’d like to be buried or cremated. This then can determine a few other things, such as where exactly the funeral will take place, who will officiate, and what type of coffin you choose. Natural burial grounds are increasingly popular, and it’s good to be aware that they are more restrictive regarding what kind of coffins they permit, as well as this meaning that it won’t be possible to visit at the exact grave site after the funeral.

These are decisions it may be important that you make by yourself, and then discuss further personalisation with your loved ones. It’s still very typical that a funeral service will involve a variety of readings and songs, plus a eulogy – someone sharing the story of your life. These elements are ideal for children to contribute to: they may have a song that reminds them of you, or a poem or even part of a story that they’d like to read out. It could be that they’d like a favourite memory or anecdote to be included in the eulogy.

Older children may wish to read their piece themselves, and we’d welcome this. Whether someone is an adult or a child, we encourage them to prepare in advance, and also suggest that there is someone available on the day to support them, and even to read on their behalf if necessary. Whilst it’s a lovely intention to read yourself, you also don’t know how you’ll feel until the moment arrives, and you may not ultimately wish to stand in front of a room of people at a time when you don’t feel your best.

Simple personalisations can be highly effective. We appreciate being able to honour a person’s favourite colour, and are happy to order specific coffins, or for our team to match their ties to your preference. Floristry is another excellent way of acknowledging your favourite things, be they colours, flowers, or even mementoes – we’ve seen floral tributes incorporating everything from cricket bats and cycling jerseys to bow ties and motorbike helmets. The only limit is your imagination! You may also like to think in advance about what you’d like to happen to the flowers after the funeral, particularly with a cremation. Many crematoria will display the floral tributes outside the chapel for a certain period of time, but they often cannot be cremated due to the inclusion of certain materials. Some people like to donate the tributes to somewhere they may be appreciated, and others like to dismantle them and enjoy them at home.

Prepaying for a funeral

We wanted to offer a note on this specific aspect of preparation. The sale of funeral plans is regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority, in the same way that other products such as insurance policies and credit cards are. This means that they may only be sold by authorised providers. If you are considering purchasing a prepaid funeral plan, you can check that the firms you are looking at are registered via the Financial Services Register.

Arrangements which cannot be made in advance

Funerals cannot be formally booked in advance of a death, as we do not know when this will happen. There are also certain pieces of paperwork which must be completed prior to a funeral being officially arranged, and these cannot be obtained prior to a death taking place. If you know what kind of funeral you would like, the best thing you can do is to ensure that those who will be making the arrangements are aware of your preferences. This can be done by having a conversation, or writing your wishes out, and making sure that you update these details should your wishes change.

At Freeman Brothers, our advice is always given freely and without obligation. If you would like to find out more, please visit our website.

Pre Bereavement support at Jigsaw South East

Jigsaw South East provides a pre-bereavement service for children and young people aged 0-19, who have a family member with a life-limiting condition and receiving end of life care. We are a family led service and our support is tailored to each individual family’s needs.

For more information, guidance and support please visit our Pre – Bereavement webpage or call our helpline to speak with a support worker.