Weldon’s Bereavement Journey
Mae had a wonderful career as a Nurse and fell for Weldon in 2009 after meeting online. They were best friends and knew they had found their soulmates and imagined spending the rest of their lives together, until Mae was diagnosed with cancer and four and a half years later, died in May 2022. Mae and Weldon’s two children, Iden and Altheya were just 9 and 12 years old at the time.
Seeking support
Mae and her family were looked after by the bereavement team at the Royal Marsden Hospital. It was there that a support worker recommended Jigsaw South East to the family. The families initial call with Jigsaw was attended by the Marsden support worker too so Weldon felt it was a seamless referral and was so grateful that he didn’t have to research support for the children.
Weldon’s sister had died when he was 23 and Weldon said “As bereavement had affected me so much in my past I felt strongly that I wanted my children to have emotional support with someone who was trained, I felt confident about their physical needs but I don’t know as much about their emotional needs, so having Jigsaw was great for us all”.
The first contact with Jigsaw was during the pandemic and Weldon told us about the first video call that he had “It was so relaxed, we were at home, so it didn’t matter that the children said hello and then they could run off and play without Jigsaw minding.” After this call Weldon signed the children up to make a mini coloured salt jar during an online call with a support worker. “They were so excited to get everything they needed in the post and it was great to do the memories activity online with some support.”
Once face to face groups were resumed Weldon and both the children attended the 8-12 age group day session and Weldon said “I just wanted them to realise there were other people in the same boat, and get the advise, from professionals as to if or how they should talk about it all. Within five minutes of arriving the kids were happy and didn’t need us, and the adults were able to leave the room to talk together too whilst the kids were doing activities.”
Pets have bought joy to the family
Since Mae’s death Weldon and the children have adopted two cats. Weldon said “I held off for a long time knowing it would be more work for me, I knew I needed to keep my life as simple as possible, but the cats are now so important as part of the journey for the children.” Weldon recognised that the support of a pet for the children meant they had constant company and companionship, learnt to care for themselves and others, and he loves seeing the cats asleep at night with his children.
Weldon has a limited local support network and truly values the friendships he has, especially with his neighbours and the children’s godparents who are always just a phone call away with advice or tips on how to support Altheya and Iden. He told us “Altheya asked me a question recently and I didn’t know how to answer as her dad, I was lost. I phoned her godmother, and it was great to have a discussion and be reassured with my thoughts before I went back to my daughter with my decision.”
Two years on
Two years on from her death Weldon has started to get small pockets of time where he can interact socially with others, partly due to the children becoming more independent but also because he has given himself permission and knows he is doing it with the blessing from Mae to socialise, be it just an hour at the pub with old friends. “I had paid almost no attention to myself until this year. When we reached two years without Mae and I knew it was time to give myself some time. I have to be happy to support the children and I need social interaction with other adults. If I am happy its easier for them to be happy and vice-versa.”
Mae was so courageous and was able to have several discussions with Weldon before her death about his and the children’s lives after she was gone. Mae loved Weldon for the vibrant and social person that he is, and she reassured Weldon that she didn’t want him to be alone and that he must take care of himself. Weldon told us “I am a people person and I need people in my life, Mae will always be my best friend and my wife, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being single. Mae and the children both appreciate that, which gives me the permission to keep moving forward whenever it might happen in the future.”
It does get better
Weldon said “I want to tell other bereaved dad’s, it does get better. We as adults will worry about everything, but children are so strong and adaptable and soak things up like a sponge, with all the support made available to us, they are going to be ok. They need to know that they are not alone and please do reach out for help. I know that when you lose someone this close, your old life just stops. Then you concentrate entirely on everyone else. You won’t know what you are doing, or if it is right for your family, and no one else will know better than you, but the Jigsaw support is there to give you ten ideas and one of them might fit with you and your children, Jigsaw will always be there.”
Weldon’s final thoughts are “We all wish that Mae was still with us. We keep as strong as we can as a family, and try to thrive on all the wonderful memories we had with her. Her battle is over and ours has just begun, we just hope we can be as brave as she was, as every day she fought helped make us more memories to live on with. Thank you Mae and Jigsaw.”
Jigsaw South East provides information and guidance to help support children and young people facing or coping with the death of a loved one. We support families in Surrey, and nearby areas of East and West Sussex and Kent.
If you would like to know more about the support we provide please visit our pre bereavement or grief support web pages. You can also contact our helpline for families and professionals.
Helpline: 01342 313895 | Monday – Friday | 9.30am – 12.30pm
